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I’ve always felt like I don’t belong. Being born to parents from two different cultures, in a third place and now living in a fourth place, there’s no where I can say I am truly from. Austrians would never consider me an Austrian, despite my father being one. Indians would never consider me an Indian despite my mother being one. I couldn’t say I’m East African, despite being born and raised there. I now live in Canada, but I couldn’t call myself a Canadian. It’s strange, but that’s all I’ve known, which has forced me to develop an inner strength, a kind of belonging to myself feeling.

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This is so fascinating Ingrid! Love the notion of developing belonging to oneself though I imagine how tuff of a road it must’ve been. I’m very concerned about these things for my own children being from parents of different cultures and living in a third… I’m trying to nurture an environment where the belonging is to the family more than the place, but clearly it may be questions arising for them later on 🤔xx thanks for contributing 💞

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Yes! That is so important, the belonging to a family feeling. I think as long as your children have that, they’re set. I think for me, the sense of not belonging started as a teenager when I started to form my identity and then suddenly had to move countries and had to deal with culture shock too.

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Ah yes i can imagine! I think those years are probably less suitable for moving countries companies to when they are babies and small toddlers 🙏🏼

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When you join the expats in XX Facebook group... Yes! I'm not alone 😂😂

I love the phrase right-one-in. You're right, I feel like that here and it feels nice.

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Haha you’re definitely not alone in that xD

I’m glad! Thanks for sharing your experience too 🥰

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Ha, I just wrote a post about how these FB group meetups never are very inspiring, despite the fact that I enjoy meeting new people... Maybe because 'being an expat in X' is not really part of anyone's identity? I'm still a bit new to Substack but everyone's been really sweet so far!

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haha yes I have the same experience Jane and I think you've got a very good point!! To be an expat in a place is most likely a very small part o one's identity and everyone feels sort of awkward in those meet-ups to start with.. I remember when my husband and I were newly weds and moved to Lisbon to hopefully meet other creatives and digital nomads, all the meet-ups felt like horny people looking for a hook-up for the night and we were extremely out of place when we just wanted to chat business lol xD

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😂

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I was brought up to embrace being different and to shun conformity and I find it really difficult to understand people who try to be like everyone else. But... I absolutely love it when I find people who think the same way, whether from their birth and upbringings or from rejecting those. I remember the first time that happened in school, all those decades ago, when I found my quirky group it was like coming home.

I definitely feel a lot of that in the creative community as a whole, and particularly on Substack, yes. Quirkiness is a definite bonus in the world of creativity.

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Oh what a blessing to have been brought up that way! I think sadly the majority haven't, which is why he majority still tries to fight to just be like everyone rather than embracing their "oddity". Loving this space here where we all can get together and be quirky together, happy to have you here too Tasha!

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This is so wonderful. And you've nailed it spot-on with epidemic of loneliness. Never again will I write alone :) And should my art magically evolve one day to Tambour embroidery... I know exactly where I'll find my people. It's the best feeling.

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Thank you so much Alisa! The epidemic of loneliness, oh how I wish this wasn't the reality. The fascinating bit is that you may even feel more lonely in a room full of people, if it's th wrong people compared to being physically alone somewhere.

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I love the concept of throwing spaghetti at the wall in the form of notes! Being a freelancer for the past 4 years has me oftentimes feeling like the odd one out, as I don’t have coworkers that I see everyday. But at the same time, I love getting to meet so many new people and am grateful for how much change I have in my routine (because, truthfully, doing the same thing every day sounds boring 😆) I’m new to Substack and enjoying this community already

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Oh I feel you! Been 7 years of running my art business and even if I have my husband at home with me it definitely gets lonely sometimes but couldn't imagine having it otherwise either haha

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So this is the answer to how I was feeling! I was the oddball that needed to find other oddballs and have found them here in Substack! This explains a lot, because I am feeling a little lonely being the only one among my family, friends and colleagues, who is struggling to build her creative side.

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Right! And it can be so so hard feeling lonely and exposed in that position when everyone around you think you should "get your shit together and just have a normal job like normal people" (That's what I was told literally lol so I feel you!! Wrote about this in my book that I published here on Substack) xx

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Wow, that is harsh! Happy you were strong enough to find your way and be you. You are awesome.

Question: I would love to buy/read your book but I don't want to go paid. Is there an other way to get the book?

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Same here. It can become lonely especially if I am exited about something I'm making or have made, or when I'm stuck and could use some advice. A welcoming tribe I so important. Substack does seem to be open and friendly toward all us oddballs out there.

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So happy to have you here Klamo, you're not an oddball here!

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Glad you found your group here too!

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I love how you describe this platform as a mutual exchange instead of the one-sided show on many medias. It is exactly what I thought as a newcomer on here. Btw I am Danish and understand Swedish so I am kind of "that friend outside of Scandinavia" too haha :) Love your work!

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Tack så mycket! Excited to have you here 🥰

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I love how creativity is expressed through this platform. I feel like I've found a place where we all want to do many things, to express ourselves in all these wonderful ways, and connect with others through it. I have felt as an outsider from other social media platforms for some time now, so this is refreshing.

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I've always felt like I don't belong. In school, I felt like I had to make myself smaller or go with the flow, to stay in groups. In my family, I'm the mostly "non-traditional one." Even amongst my group of friends, whom I love, I have very few people who actually get it. I'm pretty new to substack but I love the community that I feel so far. It seems like there's a place for all of us odd-balls. It's slowly starting to feel like i'm the "right one in." Thanks for sharing this!

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Love to hear that you’re finding your place here Carla! I can resonate so much with your experiences in the family and with friends… always been the same for me too! Delighted to see you here x

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Thank you!

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As an extroverted introvert - love this term - myself, I felt for a long time I belonged to a group of friends until I didn't anymore.

Getting into an international relationship opened my eyes to my own surroundings. In good and bad ways.

All this happened at once: covid, international relationship, new lockdowns, new professional adventure as a freelancer,... and suddenly I felt I didn't belong anymore, the odd-one out.

What a beautiful post, Elin.

And yes! I do feel like I belong over here. I feel a kind of freedom to write about whatever and however I want to. And I have never experienced this before :)

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I actually discovered the term here on Substack haha I've always referred to myself as a social loner, and then I heard the extroverted introvert and was like YYYYAAAAAASSSS xD

I totally feel you, I've had the same experience, having dated only non-Swedish guys (and now married to French) it surely opens your eyes a lot to where you come from for good and bad.

Im delighted that you've found my little corner of this platform, and hope to have you along the ride xx

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Elin, what a resonant post! It's amazing to see how your diverse roles have woven together to shape your unique perspective. It's a reminder that we're all seeking our spot where we fit just right. Has there been one role or experience in your varied journey that you feel has connected most deeply with your readers here on Substack? It's always a pleasure to read your thoughts and be part of this creative enclave. For anyone else reading this, don’t miss out on Elin's future musings!

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Oh thank you so much Reyza, how sweet of you!!

That's a terrific question... Here on Substack I especially focus on my experience of having built an art business and live from my art for the past 7 years with all the ups and downs that it involves and I think it resonates to a great deal of people as many on here are creatives in their own right - some have attepted to turn it into a fulltime gig others not but the appeal is always there of "what if..." and as such, to see someone who has done it while simultaneously sharing the two sides of the story I think makes people feel both seen and inspired... what do you think?

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Elin, your blend of vulnerability and triumph in the art world is not just inspiring, it's downright captivating. Each post is a brushstroke in a much larger masterpiece you're painting with your experiences. Keep sharing those highs and lows, it’s a canvas we can't help but be drawn to, almost as magnetic as the artist herself.

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I definitely agree with this idea of feeling like I belong more on Substack, vs social media. I've been struggling to figure out what place social media has in my life now, but I always look forward to writing for and reading here on Substack. ❤️

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Right, it feels a lot deeper and genuine on here! Perhaps because the writtten word is slower to produce and consume, which inevitably creates more genuine and authentic connections? xx

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I can see that. I also like the longer form writing (as both an author and a reader) to connect more deeply with people.

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Me too! It gets more nuanced and less overwhelming for the mind too I feel

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I have always felt this not just coz of my life choices but also coz I grew up with Vitiligo, an autoimmune disease which resulted in me maturing emotionally and physically a lot earlier than my peers. Always found myself to be different and odd mentally and physically. But as I'm getting older.. now in late 30's and a mother, I have so much more self awareness and acceptance of who I'm. Infact being odd has been a blessing in some ways... as it led to lot of genuine connections and appreciation of my actual imperfect self. I'm new here but reading posts like this one, I absolutely feet I do fit in. :)

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I’ve never joined an expat Facebook group (I hate the UI of Facebook so much that I can’t get myself to using it) guess that’s why I felt alone abroad a lot 😂 but always found friends through recommendations of other friends

And yess it’s so wonderful to be connected here 💖

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Hahah well I don’t think you missed out too much xD I’ve lost count how many expat groups I’m in but it’s usually the same type of question so rarely too interesting though still you want to keep the hope up and join for the next place lol

I haven’t used facebook I many years so another reason why it’s completely stupid to join a group I won’t participate in but hey 😂😂 there’s an expression in Swedish for this which translates to you live and you learn

xx

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