Thank you Louise I’m absolutely thrilled about this work - as I said in a previous message, it felt like a very natural way to collaborate 🙏🏼❤️ haven’t seen this structure on a co-written piece before and I think it works really well 😍
I love this! I've always had a bit of a rebellious spirit and bristle at anything I 'should' do - in my experience there are very few times when one MUST do something, outside of examples like Louise's, where consistency and safety are crucial. But in other areas, we all live such vastly varied lives that it's impossible to say with any certainty what one should or shouldn't do. Especially in the creative world - the rules of art are made to be broken!
Yes Crystal you’re so right. In the arts the shoulds are there to be broken… I’ll have to note this haha. There are indeed quite limited moments when one truly must do something
“No more “shoulds”, just some “coulds” is a mantra of mine oft repeated with clients. Suddenly a could means choice and is exciting! Loved this collaboration - just gorgeous x
Yes 💯💯 the why we frame things and use words to our advantage and not the way around, changes everything 💞 appreciate you being here Laura hope you’re feeling a bit more rested again (as much as possible with littles at home 🥰)
This was such a nourishing piece. From the repetitive nature of handcraft embroidery and knitting) to those gorgeous distinctions between must and should.
I had this motherhood book deal with fab status publishers who kept using the word should. I should tell mothers what they should do, how life should be and when they should take action for themselves and their kids. I’m sure they didn’t imagine I’d want to vomit at all these ‘shoulds’.
When I wrote the book it rarely says should, even though I understand they’re suggestions. Where mothers are concerned I find shoulds judgemental and telling.
Thank you Elin and Louise for this wonder-full read.
Oooh Danusia this speaks to my soul 🙏🏼 mothers are definitely the last to need more shoulds pushed up their face. Truly appreciate your recognition of this and I can only imagine the vomit urge at that meeting! What’s the name of the book? Sounds like something right up my alley 🙏🏼
That wee book is called "NOISE: a manifesto modernising motherhood" - the noise refers to all the noise mothers are subjected to. The crescendo of shoulds. It questions the premise of many of those shoulds. and offers ways to cut through the noise. BUT provides few shoulds. Ha. 🌀💙🌀
What a lovely piece - so nice to receive this reminder - I’ve had a “day off” today - tried to nap but meditated instead… everything waits and the winter rumbles on. ✨✨☔️✨✨
No "shoulds", just what one thinks. Nothing is ever as certain; a "should" is only a suggestion. The only things we should (and perhaps must) remain true to are our inclinations and intuitions.
I found the distinction between 'must' and 'should' as experienced in your previous work so interesting. I'd not thought of 'should' as having any kind of freedom! This particularly resonated with me - "The beauty of creative crafts is that you are entirely free to go your own way, to experiment and see what happens."
And this from Elin struck a chord - "Be the rule-setter of your own life and you’ll experience a greater sense of abundance and freedom than ever before."
What a great read! Until recently, I took "should" as "You must do this, or you won't survive." Yeah, lI took it to the extreme. I was raised to not trust myself, my gut, my heart and look outside of me for all the answers...AND to do literally everything everyone said I "should" do to cover my bases. I didn't realize this until I had a major burnout in 2019...I have been unlearning this for 4 years, finally seeing through the fog of fear I was raised in. Whew, what a ride!
Phew indeed can only imagine the ride, but wow what an achievement as well to be bold enough to recognise the burnout and work your way through unlearning toxic patterns. Be proud 👏🙏🏼🥰❤️
I loved this. And I needed to hear it. I feel like I know what feels right for me and it’s often different from the “shoulds”. I’m slowly finding the strength to honour what feel right in my heart and pick and choose from the “shoulds” presented to me.
When I worked as a beauty journalist I was handed titles to write from, like:
‘Why you’re parting your hair the wrong way’
- which primed audiences to submit to the subsequent ‘shoulds’ of parting your hair a particular way if you have a particular face shape.
It was so icky to me to have to write this shit, there was this sense of manipulation and wronging women, making sure to tell them ‘how to get it right’ when it was just hair FFS.
I loved hearing how your discernment worked for you around all the ‘Shoulds’, especially next to the ‘musts’.
It a very empowering distinction you got to make, and so glad you’re highlighting it here!
I feel like I probably should (!) go and finish that mega cross-stitch of Van Gogh after reading this. :) in all seriousness though the semantics of the should are eye-opening. Really enjoyed this.
I've been thinking about the word "should" a lot recently too. I've always known I struggle with perfectionism, but it's only been in the last several months that I realized how much it was affecting me. A big part of my work now is trying to recognize when my brain tells me I should do something and to then think about whether it's something I actually want to do, and if not, to give myself permission to not do it.
I so resonate with this 💯💯 I’ve been a huge perfectionist in the past too, but becoming a mum 4 years ago helped me realise it wasn’t a sustainable way of being if I wanted to enjoy motherhood and my creative work 😂
what a great read!!! your description of how i feel when i knit/crochet (very slowly) was exactly what's in my head!!! i like the idea of *should*, yes i'll consider that. *must*.....not so much....unless the house in on fire!!!!! the word i always took issue with was *let*.....such as my _____ won't LET me do _____. yup, we're gonna have a problem with that!!!
Totally agree. I love experimenting when I’m silversmithing and whilst there are a few ‘rules’ of physics, the more I let go of what I ‘should’ be doing the more creative, fun and interesting my work becomes! 🩷
💯 relate 💯 don’t you think this applies a great deal to writing too? At least I find the less I care about what I should be doing on here the better it goes 😅
I so enjoyed working on this with you Elin. It's a wonderful way to share our perspectives and be part of a wider conversation xx
Thank you Louise I’m absolutely thrilled about this work - as I said in a previous message, it felt like a very natural way to collaborate 🙏🏼❤️ haven’t seen this structure on a co-written piece before and I think it works really well 😍
I love this! I've always had a bit of a rebellious spirit and bristle at anything I 'should' do - in my experience there are very few times when one MUST do something, outside of examples like Louise's, where consistency and safety are crucial. But in other areas, we all live such vastly varied lives that it's impossible to say with any certainty what one should or shouldn't do. Especially in the creative world - the rules of art are made to be broken!
Yes Crystal you’re so right. In the arts the shoulds are there to be broken… I’ll have to note this haha. There are indeed quite limited moments when one truly must do something
this is so my mantra! thank you for putting this beautiful reminder out there into our community!
Thanks Kristen I’m delighted and grateful for your share with the quote you have above your desk too 🥰
“No more “shoulds”, just some “coulds” is a mantra of mine oft repeated with clients. Suddenly a could means choice and is exciting! Loved this collaboration - just gorgeous x
Love this Laura. Could brings a "I could do this" or "I could do that" ~ glorious choice! x
Yes 💯💯 the why we frame things and use words to our advantage and not the way around, changes everything 💞 appreciate you being here Laura hope you’re feeling a bit more rested again (as much as possible with littles at home 🥰)
This was such a nourishing piece. From the repetitive nature of handcraft embroidery and knitting) to those gorgeous distinctions between must and should.
I had this motherhood book deal with fab status publishers who kept using the word should. I should tell mothers what they should do, how life should be and when they should take action for themselves and their kids. I’m sure they didn’t imagine I’d want to vomit at all these ‘shoulds’.
When I wrote the book it rarely says should, even though I understand they’re suggestions. Where mothers are concerned I find shoulds judgemental and telling.
Thank you Elin and Louise for this wonder-full read.
Oooh Danusia this speaks to my soul 🙏🏼 mothers are definitely the last to need more shoulds pushed up their face. Truly appreciate your recognition of this and I can only imagine the vomit urge at that meeting! What’s the name of the book? Sounds like something right up my alley 🙏🏼
That wee book is called "NOISE: a manifesto modernising motherhood" - the noise refers to all the noise mothers are subjected to. The crescendo of shoulds. It questions the premise of many of those shoulds. and offers ways to cut through the noise. BUT provides few shoulds. Ha. 🌀💙🌀
Amazing!! I’m going to check it out 👊👏❣️🥂
What a lovely piece - so nice to receive this reminder - I’ve had a “day off” today - tried to nap but meditated instead… everything waits and the winter rumbles on. ✨✨☔️✨✨
Soon my dear there’s sunshine coming and all will be bursting with energy and life 🙏🏼🥰😍🌟💞
✨❣️✨ can’t wait!
No "shoulds", just what one thinks. Nothing is ever as certain; a "should" is only a suggestion. The only things we should (and perhaps must) remain true to are our inclinations and intuitions.
Indeed Patrick 👏 we must follow our intuition yet it’s the hardest one of them all..
I found the distinction between 'must' and 'should' as experienced in your previous work so interesting. I'd not thought of 'should' as having any kind of freedom! This particularly resonated with me - "The beauty of creative crafts is that you are entirely free to go your own way, to experiment and see what happens."
And this from Elin struck a chord - "Be the rule-setter of your own life and you’ll experience a greater sense of abundance and freedom than ever before."
Thank you Elin and Louise, I so enjoyed this :)
Wonderful Jodie thank you so much for these reflections and highlights. The way we define words can indeed have an incredibly powerful impact ❣️
What a great read! Until recently, I took "should" as "You must do this, or you won't survive." Yeah, lI took it to the extreme. I was raised to not trust myself, my gut, my heart and look outside of me for all the answers...AND to do literally everything everyone said I "should" do to cover my bases. I didn't realize this until I had a major burnout in 2019...I have been unlearning this for 4 years, finally seeing through the fog of fear I was raised in. Whew, what a ride!
Phew indeed can only imagine the ride, but wow what an achievement as well to be bold enough to recognise the burnout and work your way through unlearning toxic patterns. Be proud 👏🙏🏼🥰❤️
Thank you soooo much...thanks for saying that! I needed to hear that. :)
🥰🙏🏼
I loved this. And I needed to hear it. I feel like I know what feels right for me and it’s often different from the “shoulds”. I’m slowly finding the strength to honour what feel right in my heart and pick and choose from the “shoulds” presented to me.
Listening inwards is always the best indicator to know which “should” /suggestion to follow, well done 👏🥰
When I worked as a beauty journalist I was handed titles to write from, like:
‘Why you’re parting your hair the wrong way’
- which primed audiences to submit to the subsequent ‘shoulds’ of parting your hair a particular way if you have a particular face shape.
It was so icky to me to have to write this shit, there was this sense of manipulation and wronging women, making sure to tell them ‘how to get it right’ when it was just hair FFS.
I loved hearing how your discernment worked for you around all the ‘Shoulds’, especially next to the ‘musts’.
It a very empowering distinction you got to make, and so glad you’re highlighting it here!
Just hair FFS 😂 so good 👏👏 thanks for sharing Sarina can only imagine the icky!!! Reframing the definition of words can be so powerful 🌟
I feel like I probably should (!) go and finish that mega cross-stitch of Van Gogh after reading this. :) in all seriousness though the semantics of the should are eye-opening. Really enjoyed this.
Thanks Eugenia! That’s an as good suggestion as any haha I’m intrigued by this Van Gogh piece either way, sounds gorgeous 😍
I've been thinking about the word "should" a lot recently too. I've always known I struggle with perfectionism, but it's only been in the last several months that I realized how much it was affecting me. A big part of my work now is trying to recognize when my brain tells me I should do something and to then think about whether it's something I actually want to do, and if not, to give myself permission to not do it.
I so resonate with this 💯💯 I’ve been a huge perfectionist in the past too, but becoming a mum 4 years ago helped me realise it wasn’t a sustainable way of being if I wanted to enjoy motherhood and my creative work 😂
Yes, I totally agree - I also eventually realized it wasn't sustainable if I wanted to enjoy my life. ❤️
what a great read!!! your description of how i feel when i knit/crochet (very slowly) was exactly what's in my head!!! i like the idea of *should*, yes i'll consider that. *must*.....not so much....unless the house in on fire!!!!! the word i always took issue with was *let*.....such as my _____ won't LET me do _____. yup, we're gonna have a problem with that!!!
Haha yes it’s so interesting how words can have such a huge impact 💯💯
Totally agree. I love experimenting when I’m silversmithing and whilst there are a few ‘rules’ of physics, the more I let go of what I ‘should’ be doing the more creative, fun and interesting my work becomes! 🩷
💯 relate 💯 don’t you think this applies a great deal to writing too? At least I find the less I care about what I should be doing on here the better it goes 😅
Oooh that’s a good point! 🧡
Love this! Am particularly grateful for the distinction between must and should
Thanks Tay! Couldn’t agree more - so glad Louise brought this up 👏