Why you shouldn’t care about the "shoulds" and embrace its literal meaning instead
A collaborative written piece by Elin Petronella and Louise Tilbrook on how to be the rule-setter of your own journey
A couple of months ago, I shared a comment about being our own rule-setters.
Lots resonated with this notion, including the lovely knitter and writer
who responded with an idea that needs to come to fruition asap (am I right?!).
As we both embrace a slower pace of life (read: practising mindfulness of the present), we thought it to be a better idea to first write a collaborative piece around the topic of carving your own way… and maybe… just maybe… the mug will come next, haha!
In the first half, I tackle the topic of “Why you shouldn’t care about the shoulds” to which
responds with her valuable insights referencing “the Freedom of Should”.Without further ado…
Why you shouldn’t care about the “shoulds”
There has never been as high prevalence of mental illness (among young and old) as today. Then why are we so stuck in the idea that there are certain things you just have to/should do?
Maybe it’s part of an underlying problem that we’ve forced an internal disconnect (most likely out of social pressure) with what and who we actually are.
What if we all got more in tune with how we’d like to lead our lives? How would the world look like then?
An example from the arts…
In today’s fast paced digital world, I find the vocation of a slow fibre artists like
and I, to be somewhat of a rebellious pursuit. When I first began to sell digital patterns of my embroidery designs, I remember my mum asking: But how many patterns can you sell?Thanks to the internet there is a potential of a billion sales (if we assume that almost everyone would want to do hand embroidery of course… reasonable, right?)
Who says that you cannot create with your hands for a living anymore?
Maybe to slow down is in fact the new superpower, because it allows you to go deeper instead of flattening yourself too thin under the burden of all the rushed shoulds.
I frequently contemplate on these things as I add another stitch to my embroidery. The sound of the needle pushing through the fabric never ceases to soothe me.
Much like knitting, to embroider has a repetitive element that makes the process incredibly meditative. This is only one of the reasons why I often tell my students that this is my version of yoga.
Handwork is as soothing and healing as other now mainstream forms of meditative practices can be for others. There’s never a one size fits all.
But the only way to find out what actually fits you, is to dare to break free of the external pressures and assumptions and instead begin your own journey to Following Your Gut.
Be the rule-setter of your own life and you’ll experience a greater sense of abundance and freedom than ever before.
The freedom of ‘should’ by
I’ve so enjoyed my recent conversations with
of the Follow Your Gut Substack, in particular our recent one about being the rule setter of our own lives.There is so much advice out there that you could literally spend your entire days following everyone else’s ‘shoulds’ and still not make an impact on the world in the way that you want to.
The good news is that the word should - to me at least - signifies that whatever follows is entirely optional.
The word should always takes me back to the days when I was a Clinical Scientist working in the NHS. Part of my role required me to write and check SOPs (standard operating procedures). Highly detailed, technical documents designed to ensure processes were carried out consistently and accurately regardless of who was doing them.
Wording was critical, in particular there was an important distinction between must and should.
Must = a non negotiable. Do it this way or trouble will follow.
Should = a guideline, best practice or in an ideal world. It allowed latitude for the operator to use their best judgment and act accordingly.
I’m the same even now. If I see the word should in a sentence, for example “Instagram users should aim to post 3 reels per week” I regard that as a pure suggestion and one that I am free to take or leave.
In crafting terms there is no shortage of people lining up to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’ve seen countless debates on whether the buttons on a baby cardigan should be sewn on the right or left, according to gender. I can never remember which way round it is and honestly I can’t believe that in 2024 it matters a jot.
Likewise I’ve seen people insist that knitters should only use acrylic yarn for baby knits, or that yarn shouldn’t be stored pre-wound into cakes. Certainly these suggestions might be based on well intentioned advice but they are by no means obligatory. They are options, guidelines if you will and are free to be ignored if you so choose.
The beauty of creative crafts is that you are entirely free to go your own way, to experiment and see what happens. True, a lace weight yarn knit on 10mm needles might be described as a bold and unconventional choice but who is to say what’s right or wrong. It’s your creative expression at the end of the day.
Following your gut and experimenting is a crucial part of the learning process and is vital in order to develop your creativity - and more importantly to develop confidence in your own creative ability.
Learning to lean into what feels good for you, what works for you and what lights you up is far more important than following along with other people’s “shoulds”.
Thank you so much for reading!
Elin & Louise xx
Now we’d love to hear from you… what’s your relationship to the word should? Let us know in the comments so we can keep the conversation going!
If you enjoyed this collaborative piece, don’t miss to check out the other writings by
You may also enjoy these recent essays:
Hi there, new here?
I’m Elin, Swedish (expat) artist and mother of two who have plunged into the unknown of Substack as a new writing home. Despite having 500k+ across mainstream social media platforms for my embroidery art, I decided to start afresh here. It’s hard, thrilling, heavy and joyful all in ones. Come and join me for the ride if you haven’t done so already! You can expect thought-provoking and poignant writing about creativity, life and soulful art business with a touch of motherhood.
You can also check out the how, why, who and what in the post below:
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I so enjoyed working on this with you Elin. It's a wonderful way to share our perspectives and be part of a wider conversation xx
I love this! I've always had a bit of a rebellious spirit and bristle at anything I 'should' do - in my experience there are very few times when one MUST do something, outside of examples like Louise's, where consistency and safety are crucial. But in other areas, we all live such vastly varied lives that it's impossible to say with any certainty what one should or shouldn't do. Especially in the creative world - the rules of art are made to be broken!