Whatever you do, own it

Or someone else will. A short essay about insecurity.

By Farsai Chaikulngamdee on Unsplash

Kat River

opened a thread a couple of weeks ago about an incredibly important topic: insecurity. After writing a long reply, I felt inclined to expand on the concept further including society’s contribution to insecure conditioning… Here we go.

---

Disclaimer:

Substack

is a passion project that has sprung to fruitition from following my gut and passion to write more.

As a result I will not put myself limits as to when, where and how I write. Maybe with time I will adapt a more clear system (I do have big ambition for this publication as with everything I set out to do). But for now all I’ve got is this:

Just write whenever you’ve got something to say, post ASAP and the rest will fall into place when the time is right.

So often we try to control and plan ahead (myself included) for things that we have no idea of how they will turn out. We worry about things that haven’t happened yet and perhaps never will. I find to take action NOW to be a more productive process, because otherwise we all know (I’m especially looking at you mama), that it will most likely never happen.

---

It wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I realised how society tries to condition women to feel insecure about themselves and their own intuition. Personally, I’m quite allergic to being told what to do (for good and for bad).

Hence it came as a slight shock (when expecting our first child about four years ago) that I was suddenly treated like I didn’t know anything about myself and my own body.

Please, do not read me wrong, it’s fantastic that there are supportive systems in place for those who need it. But I find it just as important to let those who DON’T need or want it be.

When I, at one point, asked if I had to come in to every appointment the response was: it’s for your baby’s best. (Oh instant guilt trip…)

And later, when I asked to not do the glucose screening as I didn’t see the need to considering I was only 24 with a good physique and great blood values, I got shamed for not contributing to the statistics…

And just like that, you’re reduced to a number on an excel sheet.

I kept going, yet every time I could feel the toxicity of insecurity wanting to take a grip on me…

“Maybe they’re right”, “They’re the professionals, they know better”. “They see women all day long”.

The same applies to birth. I knew I wanted to birth at home, which was met with another shock as the nurse asked me: Is that even legal?

Do YOU ask ME that? I remember thinking to myself.

I also quickly regretted having said anything, because the following meetings involved a lot of: “Are you sure?”.

STOP, I wanted to scream. Don’t CONFUSE ME. Just let a woman make her own damn choice and trust that it comes from a place of deep reflection and thorough research about what she wish for the biggest day of her life.

To birth with whom and where you want is a human right in the constiution of international law, even if it’s easy to forget in current circumstances.

Ps. I recognise that not everyone has the ability to follow their ideal birth-plan due to medical reasons, and for that I’m deeply empathetic. I wish every woman to get the dream birth that she deserves and to enter motherhood empowered by her own astonishing capabilities.

Whenever you (voluntarily) choose to do someting that goes against the general behaviour of the society you live in, it’s fascinating to watch people’s surprised reactions around you. It’s written all over the faces: Can you really do that?!

Of course.

You can do A LOT of things, it’s just hidden limitations (many times internal blockers and insecurities) that make most people not think twice.

There are also cultural influences at stake as to whether questioning is considered a positive trait or not.

In Sweden you should ideally never question anything, whereas in France (where my husband is from), they’re world-wide known for their democratically driven demonstrations and to question EVERYTHING.

Is there a better or worse approach? I think it all comes down to what feels the most true within yourself. We’re all different, so my truth may not be yours and vice versa. And that’s OK.

Be a business-owner

Another concrete example is to run an online art business. Can you DO that?

Of course.

I (and tons of others) am a living proof of it, yet for someone who has worked for an institution their whole life it seems impossible to make it work. Insecurities of social and financial stability surface. What if it doesn’t work out? What will others say/think?

Through the last years, filled with realisations, I’ve spent a lot of time and effort to be as humble as I possibly can be. Everyone has their own realities and they can only see as far as their own nose reach. If you’ve never been exposed to anything else, how can you know?

It’s not your fault.

I’ve been there too.

Before I met my husband, who was working as a professional photographer and artist in Paris at the time, I didn’t think it was possible to live off your art. (Frankly, the thought to be an entrepreneur never even hit me until I was 21).

Why?

Because I had never met anyone who did. I had also hardly left my tiny village or been exposed to other realities. All I knew was that I didn’t want the reality that was proposed to me if I stayed.

Ps. here’s an essay I wrote a few weeks ago about the feeling of home.

Whatever you do, own it

Let’s round off by returning to the title of this small reflective essay around society’s role in our insecurities.

Whatever you decide to do, whether it is to follow the general advice or not, own it.

The only way to take charge of your own life and not let others’ voices be stronger than your own, is to take ownership of your actions and decisions.

It’s not all going to turn out well. But if you take back the driver’s seat of your wearabouts, you will quickly discover that it gets successively easier to hear and follow your own inner voice even when it forces you to face your own insecurities.

It’s a bit like I argue in another past essay about “How I plan to stay consistent on Substack”:

“The only way to be certain to never reach the next level, is to not publish. This means that to publish imperfect posts still increases your chance to succeed and reach your goals by 100%.”

Applied to insecurity it means that if you never take ownership you’re guaranteed to remain in the same place. Whereas to take ownership of your actions and choices, regardless of the outcome, you’ve already increased your chances to build the life of your dreams by 100%.

You got this (especially looking at you mama❤️)

Thanks for reading,
Elin x

If you found this valuable, I warmly invite you to press the like (heart), share it and let me know your thoughts in the comments. It will help this post get read by more people.

And if you haven’t already, be sure to subscribe to receive more reflective essays on life, business and creativity (with a touch of motherhood) directly in your inbox.

You may also enjoy my most recent post:

Stop worrying what others will think