Motherhood as enrichment to a creative life

We can’t do all at once, but we can BE all at once

Hi there!

I’m a very different mother today than I imagined I’d be when I got pregnant 5 years ago.

I was inevitably influenced by the stories of those around me, the struggles, the frustrations. I had only social media for reference into ”a day in my life as a mum” and I thought: That looks bloody hard, but if she can do it I can do it!

I was both right and wrong.

Motherhood is the greatest personal development and growth experience I’ve ever had. It has taught me that I can:

• Do incredibly hard things

• Be flexible to adapt when things don’t go as planned

• Love more than I thought was possible

• Function even on less sleep than I could even imagine

• Rediscover an inherent power to pave my own way and live a life I love (against all odds)

It also taught me that whatever we see on social media is only a fraction of what it means to go from maiden to mother. Especially when you’re an artist soul, sensitive to changes in dynamics both physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Seeing other mother entrepreneurs keep up their work as if nothing had happened, made me think that my baby would also sleep all day and I’d be able to transition into new productive habits smoothly.

This was not the case. My firstborn didn’t sleep her entire first year.

My mistake was to use a complete stranger’s socially curated feed as a baseline for my own expectations. How bloody f*d up if you think about it!

The longer I’m in the trenches of motherhood, the more the overlaps with the artist life becomes apparent. There’s no quick fix, nor is there a one-works-for-all solution.

You simply don’t know what child you’ll have until he/she is here. And what a blessing that is! That we get to be a part of a blank canvas and see it take shape through time and place.

Just like we have to show respect to the creative muse, never to assume that we can control it, we must also respect and assume the agency of our children.

I wish that motherhood and artistry weren’t both influenced by the binary structures imposed by society.

It’s like you’re either ”the homie mumsie, giving up every part of yourself, submitting to motherhood only etc.” Or the ”career first, sleep training, kids in full time childcare etc.” type of mum. Both sides typically looking down on the other… (something even more f*d up, like what happened with respecting people’s differences?!)

What about all of us on the spectrum in between?

The same goes for artistry: You’re either the ”forever starving artist scrambling to get by” or the ”world known mega famous creator making millions”…. Like what?!

I wish there was an openness to variety.

There are as many variations of motherhood as there are for successful artistry. One thing doesn’t have to exclude the other, if anything, the two CAN and WILL FUEL each other (if we let it!).

And when I write ”one thing doesn’t have to exclude the other”, I don’t mean it in a ”let’s hustle and do it all at once” type of way. I mean it in a holistic way counting all the parts of you as contributing to who you are in the world.

You can’t do it all at once, but you can BE it all at once.

You’re not just a mother, or just an artist.

You are the sum of all parts (and the parts are continuously growing too);

• Mother,

• Woman

• Partner

• Lover

• Dreamer

• Artist

• Writer

• Runner

• Chef

• Sister

• Daughter

• Friend

• Enemy (sure we’ve got those too hey, haha)

• Whatever!!!!

Me with a self-embroidered patch in Lisbon

I wrote a piece about the ”part-time artist” analogy, and how it negates artistry as being a part of who we are: someone who makes art. And instead makes your art (presumably your passion), into another asset in the materialistic world which you can only do from time to time.

It’s not like I’m a part-time mum just because I sometimes let my kids with my husband so that I can get some work done… I’m ALWAYS a mum, just like I’m ALWAYS an artist, even when I’m not physically making art.

This change of mindset has been fundamental in not viewing my added identity as a mother to be a sacrifice. It’s an enrichment, if anything. I get to experience another way of life, that of being the primary carer for other tiny humans, which only adds richness to my character and experiences on this planet. Experiences is what fuels the creative muse, which in turn can bring us to unexpected places we’d never want to be without.

I wish we didn’t view sacrifice as only ”losing”, but also as ”receiving”.

Because ultimately, when you say yes to a new experience you indirectly say no to another. Becoming a mother means you’ll never get to experience what it means to be a ”child free mid-lifer”, which surely sounds wonderfully freeing when reading the prolific pieces about it here on Substack for instance.

But just like on other visual social media, we only get a part of the puzzle in writing too. Someone else’s experience will likely never be exactly like yours. Becoming a mother means you’ll get experiences those without children will never have and vice versa.

Equally, becoming a financially independent artist or writer means you’ll have experiences (both good and bad), which those who never did it will have.

Nothing is better or worse, the key is to make it your own. Take agency over your own experience instead of allowing the external noise to infiltrate your mind and heart with how you’re supposed to experience something.

For example, I got pregnant at 24, gave birth at 25. I’ve always been very athletic and thought I’d bounce back in no time. I didn’t! It felt like a personal failure at first, but only because I had used other people as the benchmark for how my experience would be instead of allowing myself to follow my own journey. With my second daughter it took me two years to wear my old clothes, not two months (by the way, this is just a personal example and does NOT mean you ever have to fit your old clothes at all).

This is getting long.

What I want to say, I guess, is this:

Follow Your Gut and take agency in whatever life you choose. This applies to EVERYTHING from personal to professional. You have the inherent power to live life as you desire, but you have to dare to trust yourself and the journey you’re on.

1. If you want to be an independent artist - you can!

2. If you want to be a mother and artist - you can!

3. If you want to be a mother and artist and traveling with your family - you can do that too!

I’ve done all the above despite the world telling me I can’t. Thankfully I didn’t listen or I wouldn’t be enriched with invaluable experiences and a deeper belief that, if we set our mind to something, we can achieve anything.

Sending you much love,

Elin xx

For further reading;

• Can play be work? 8answers to questions about the artist life - free

• For part-time artists and writers - free

• Mother-artist column (10 entries) - paid

• I want to show my dream I’m in it for life - free