Do you feel stupid sometimes? Then you're probably quite brave too

An unexpected story behind the scenes of sending a reader survey

The internet is a funny place. In fact, it’s an entire universe in and of itself. It can turn your life around, while nothing physically has changed (for good and bad).

You can literally sit in the comforts of your home while millions are interacting with your content… Yes that has happened to me. It’s wild. You walk on the street and wonder if it’s visible on the outside too even if you rationally know that nobody cares (or sees anything else than a girl walking down the street…)

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I sent out a survey this past weekend asking about reader’s (your) feedback in a private setting and I can’t help but wonder “What was I thinking?”.

It’s like saying to a child; “Welcome into my house, here are four cans of red paint, do whatever you want, I’m not home so I can’t tell you to stop”.

I don’t know where that analogy came… Probably from the fact that I have a very creative soon 4 year old at home who just discovered that she could draw little princesses on the walls when mum is in the kitchen.

I felt brave to ask somehow.

Like a mature and confident writer, while on the inside I’m just as nervously emotional as everyone else.

When I saw the responses trickling in to the question about what readers would want me to write more about, I admit, I immediately felt the snare get tighter around my throat.

What was supposed to be a fun enriching experience became a trap of my own design. Did I really want to know?

I truthfully want to be of service, but the well-known friends “writer’s block” and “utter overwhelm” came knocking on the door with each new response.

Isn’t it ironically paradox?

To be given topics to write about makes me block more than anything, because my mind feverishly tries to fit all the suggestions into a schedule of sorts in an attempt to make sure it gets written (and to meet sudden increased expectation, whether imagined or not).

When let free like the wind I can write to infinity, though I will try not to for the preservation of your sanity… and perhaps mine too.

I surely can’t be the only one like this?

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Was I being brave or did I take it too far (entering the zone of stupidity) when openly asking for feedback on my own writing as opposed to keeping it to the general questions of reader behaviour around paid newsletters?

I honestly don’t know.

It still feels brave from an outside perspective, but the feeling of internal stupidity took over.

The fact that I’m running on very limited sleep (mum-life), definitely made me more vulnerable than I thought I’d be. I like to believe that I normally embrace constructive feedback* as an opportunity for growth, but this past weekend I wasn’t able to.

*I want to clarify that 99% of the responses were incredibly supportive (thank you my friends! I appreciate you so much!). But sadly in our modern internet based realities, our brains are slow to follow and we tend to focus (especially in moments of vulnerability) on the negative few. A hint of disappointment quickly spirals into the irrational translation of complete personal failure…

Don’t be like me, be better than me.

I asked my husband, who I admire as a brave person, for advice and he said; You don’t need that right now.

Ok, right.

I quickly logged into the computer with a baby on the boob. Deleted the three open ended feedback questions, but kept the multiple choice of whether readers would be ready to upgrade when I turn on the paid feature.

The statistical response still felt useful in a more intrinsic way, because it will help me to make better estimates as to what potential results to put in the “realistic” vs. “dreamy” category.

This is me with my largest architectural embroidery work-in-progress to date… To start a project of this size felt very brave (equally brave/stupid to take a picture on the street… Some influencers show themselves, others hide behind their artworks ha!) But I’m wondering if starting it was borderline stupid considering… you guessed it… it’s still not completed 4 years later! Though I like to continue to trick myself into believing that one day, one day it will hang on the walls of our future loft in the centre of Paris (I'm a dreamer within all aspects of life in case you hadn’t noticed yet).

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Joke aside: Maybe to get to 1000 paying readers right away is a bit “out there”, wouldn’t you think? (Especially as that would entail a 100% conversion rate… haha if only!)

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The experience this past weekend got me thinking about how entwined bravery and stupidity is. As the quote in the beginning reads:

“Bravery is knowing it might hurt, and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same.” - Jeremy Goldman

The creative process feels very much the same.

A slippery slope between bravery and stupidity where one doesn’t exclude the other.

And maybe that’s a good thing? It keeps us grounded and humble to the process just like I argue in another recent essay about discomfort.

The key, I suppose, is to not let the roller-coaster hold you back from doing it anyway, even if it means adjustments and changes down the road. Because change is an as inherent part of life as is bravery and stupidity for advancing on our dreams.

We can’t live without change, and we can’t reach our dreams without being stupidly brave.

It’s safe to say that when this message came in my inbox after the mild survey turbulence, I nearly cried deeply feeling the blessing from Deb.

Thank you for reading!

Elin, xx

I’d love to hear in the comments your experience of feeling stupid vs brave! Is there a pattern of where one manifests itself above the other?

Ps. In case you didn’t fill out the survey yet, you’re warmly invited to do so! (Don’t take my vulnerability as a blocker please haha the tough questions are safely deleted anyway 😉)

I’d love to reach the satisfying data set of 100 entries for the basis of comparison and benefit for everyone (we’re currently at 68 as of publishing this). I’ll write a summary reflecting the anonymous responses so that we can all learn from the gained insights.

Pps. On Saturday nobody seemed to be able to fill out the survey via the Substack app, but had to go to the web-browser. I don’t know if inserting a button as opposed to the direct link to the survey will make a difference… let me know in the comments if you try it out ❤️

Hi there, new here?

I’m Elin, Swedish (expat) artist and mother of two who have plunged into the unknown of Substack as a new writing home. Despite having 500k+ across mainstream social media platforms for my embroidery art, I decided to start afresh here. It’s hard, thrilling, heavy and joyful all in ones. Come and join me for the ride if you haven’t done so already! You can expect thought-provoking and poignant writing about creativity, life and soulful art business with a touch of motherhood.

You can also check out the how, why, who and what in the post below:

Follow Your Gut & Start here