The fear of discovering yourself on the other side of something new

Reclamation of power in unexpected places

Hi there,

This past week I flew solo with my two young toddlers to and back from my home country Sweden. I hadn’t taken a plane in five years, which means none of my girls had taken a plane at all (apart from my oldest while she was in my belly). Add to that, it was 2 years since we visited Sweden. This was a big deal.

I felt scared before going.

But not only about the flight, the security check-in, being surrounding by A LOT of strangers and keeping my littles content. I was scared about what I would find out about myself traveling solo with my kids.

System so that I could push three suitcases with two hands. And the girls had matching outfits so everyone would know they were mine hehe.

I’ve always been a very driven and independent person. But family life inevitably changes the dynamic. You can’t just run away on a whim because you found some cheap tickets somewhere. There are other people involved now and you got to take them into consideration too.

The problem though is that motherhood and the societal expectations that comes along with it, wires you to not only take your family’s needs into consideration but to place them above and beyond your own.

I realised while standing at the airport with my youngest in a carrier on the back and my oldest proudly pushing her suitcase in front of her, that I was finally stepping into the version of motherhood that I always wanted to embody, but which I had suppressed for reasons hard to put into words.

Flying solo with my kids made me reclaim the adventurous part of me that had resorted to traveling by car “because it’s more predictable and comfortable”. It made me reclaim my autonomy, feeling that I’m fully capable in my own right, something I seem to have forgotten but been too embarrassed to admit.

I cancelled the trip about two weeks before. But put it back on a few days later.

It was a whirlwind for everyone involved but I’m proud of myself for daring to listen inwards and do it messily rather than not at all.

I’m realising I’m someone who knows from experience, both the good the bad and the ugly. I’m not someone who does things perfectly the first time, but I am also not someone who will give up easily. I’m ok with my imperfectly perfect way of operating, even though it hasn’t always been that way.

My twenties were filled with chaos from doing lots of stuff. But thanks to that chaotic action-taking I’m settling into a deeper knowing based on having lived out many of the “what ifs”.

This trip, simple on the surface, have already had a deep impact on me.

It was scary, empowering, healing and amazing in all the hard ways.

I got to watch my girls thrive as they learnt that them too can do hard and scary things. They got to build memories with their grandparents, learnt that to miss their dad is ok because they will see him soon again. They spoke my mother tongue on a daily basis for a week, which felt heartwarming on a level that floored me.

Before raising third culture children I didn’t fully realise the emotional impact on navigating multiple languages and especially to raise your children in a language and culture that isn’t your own.

Though I know I don’t want to live in Sweden, it’s where I’m from. And I want my girls to get to build their own connection to their roots there too.

To evolve and become ourselves feels like it’s as much about growth and new chapters as it is about healing the old ones.

Tending to those roots and to see how they’ve all contributed to who we are today. Hopefully we find a blend of it all that feels wholesome and true to ourselves.

Thanks for reading!

Q: Have you ever been flying solo with young kids? If yes, how did it feel?

Ps.
The experience of doing something you’re scared to do can be directly applied to the artist life and business too… Because to make art and to make a living from that art is scary stuff.

→ Who are we on the other side of daring to show o ur art? Of daring to charge for our work?

Love, Elin

Pps.
I’ve launched my new website www.elinpetronella.com and I’m beyond thrilled as I continue to rebuild my creative ecosystem to a better fit for my wiring and nervous system.

As a hopeless time optimist I thought I’d get lots of work done on my site during our stay in Sweden. But I can proudly announce that I leaned into presence and to enjoy my family instead.

There’s time for it all, something which seems like a mini revolution in modern hustle culture. So I’m reminding myself as much as I’m reminding you dear reader: There’s time for it all ❤️

Now that I’m back in Belgium I will get back to working transferrin the archive from Substack over to my own site. I can’t wait to keep building my own little world and invite you over.

More ways to work with me:

• 1:1 mentoring on your terms