Stop worrying what others will think
You can post during the holidays if you want to.
It’s been three days…
Three days of finger itch. I want to write. I want to post.
The butterflies in my stomach are swirling as the little devil on my shoulder whispers:
“No you shouldn’t post now. It will seem desperate. You should have clear boundaries between work and holidays like everyone else.”
The reality is: I’m in a momentum.
I feel a creative energy flow through my body like hot chocolate after a long cold day.
It makes me giddy and excited to think about everything I want to say. I don’t want to take a break now. I’ve hardly gotten started.
Yet with each “I’m off” post over the past week, I’ve felt the sting of self-doubt slowly (but oh so surely) creep in.
I have about a handful essays in the draft folder that does nothing but collect dust of self-doubt with each day (yes
it’s really a creative chronic condition).
You see, that’s what happens when you don’t hit publish right away. It gives too much room for reflection and scrutiny.
“Oh I could maybe write that better…”
“What will others think…”
If there’s anything you can be certain of it’s that others (whoever they are) will ALWAYS think something.
It’s up to YOU to decide whether you let others’ potential thinking have an impact on your own thoughts and actions or not.
Imagine how many times you’ve limited yourself out of fear of what others will think of you without knowing if they actually think anything of it at all…
Then also imagine the possibility that you in fact don’t know what other people really think, and that you may be limiting your own behavior based on unsupported guesses. (What?!?!)
I can’t help but connect this to
’s brilliant “Shadows on Substack” essay, where she questions to what extent we contribute to the social media culture by criticizing it (on social media) compared to taking action on what we don’t agree with.When it comes to social media, it’s your autonomous choice to use it or not. Nobody forces you to. Yet most act as if they are victims of it, rather than recognizing themselves as participants of the show.
The same idea could be extended to our fear of judgement. We’re so scared of what others think that we use them as an excuse for not doing anything rather than recognizing our own freedom of choice to not act.
When it comes to posting or not posting during this always-so-strange last week of December, it’s ultimately your own decision. Don’t let anyone else make it for you (pun intended to myself).
Everyone’s reality is different.
Some are drowning in to-do lists and family gatherings. Others suddenly find themselves with more time than usual.
Some have been around for a long time and need a little a break. Others (like me) have barely gotten started and feel as bubbly as on a first date.
Creative flow and passion is hard to schedule. You cannot just decide “I’ll be in flow between x and y”.
Flow is something that just happens. If it could be scheduled as easy into the calendar as a dentist appointment nobody would complain about writer’s block.
I cannot decide to feel creative when it suits me (though I wish I could). Most of the time, the inverse is true. Ideas always tend to pop up when it’s the least convenient (like before bed time or when you have other big important tasks to do).
So if you, like me, find yourself urged to write and share this holiday season, then go for it.
What made the cup tip over?
I want to send out an extended thank you to everyone who engaged with the note I did 2 hours ago.
, , , , , , , , , , , and - you all contributed to getting me out of my bubble, write up this quick reflection and hit publish ❤️.
To me it confirms that
is made for writers and readers to support each other through the ups and downs of the creative process.It also proves that, whatever you’re feeling, there are always others out there feeling the same thing.
There’s only one catch: You cannot be supported if you don’t throw out the lifeline first (another good reminder for you fellow mamas out there… I know how hard it is!).
So far (I’ve only been on Substack for 1 month) I find notes to be a remarkable place to bounce ideas and worries with the community to see what sticks.
Here are some of the comments that made me feel less alone:
comfirmed that “not everyone has the same holiday experience. And those who are busy can just catch up later!” also shared her struggles to decide whether to share or not (I’m rooting for you!), as well as Stephanie from who boiled down her decision to two powerful statements (which I deeply resonate with):
I write for me and I loved the little moment to write as part of my own holiday experience.
Whether people choose to read is on them, not on me. I don't need to manage their experience in my head. Lovingly, my newsletter is an offering not an obligation.
Ps. ended up posting this lovely Christmas Letter:
Here’s
’s amazing essay referenced above (the phone-editor doesn’t allow me to add the hyperlink in the text…. Maybe I’m just a super-newbie who doesn’t get it yet…)
Thank you for reading!
Elin, X
Pps. For you who have some more reading time this holiday… here’s my previous post in case you missed it:
exactly this.
I loved this piece. It’s hard to trust what we are doing is right. I guess doing it for ourselves first and foremost is what I have taken from this. If others come along it’s even nicer but not vital. ☺️