I became a Substack bestseller, then this happened

reflections on how our relationship to Substack evolve, sometimes even too far

Hi there!

How do you relate to your Substack?

It maybe sounds obvious, like “duh” it’s just a blog. Or, a magazine, a newsletter, a dispatch, a public journal, a research paper, interview series, community…

WOAH hang on a sec!

That’s it. Substack can be so many things to so many people. And not just that, it can evolve too.

From being a newsletter to membership. Or from membership and back to a newsletter ?!

The best part: We get to choose.

Whether we choose to monetize it or not will most likely have the greatest impact on how we relate to it. If it’s non-paid, it can be a hobby, a passion project, no-pressure outlet to express yourself and connect with likeminded.

If it’s paid it quickly gets more complex… How does this new outlet interact and connect with other parts of your business? Is it a separate thing? Maybe even the first/a totally new thing that you hope will become THE thing?

Over the summer, I’ve done a lot of behind the scenes experimenting to try and figure this thing out.

When I say “this thing” I thought I meant Substack as a business. But I’m realizing now, after a series of tests, that what I really mean is how I relate to it.

---

It’s no secret that I started Follow Your Gut on an intuitive whim. It was the best decision I took to kickstart my creative flow again after a hiatus due to babies.

My sole focus for the first 6 months was to write.

I told myself: Write your heart out! Whatever is on your mind: just get it out!

And it worked.

I grew the community to 2k readers, decided I had tested the platform enough to launch my second publication Petronella Art Magazine, and I hit bestseller writer status in June.

Fantastic! Thank you! 🙏🏼

But then what?

I had been so focused on Follow Your Gut as being a personal fun space to get creative again, that when I suddenly became a bestseller I got confused. I felt that I had to level up. Spice it up 🌶️.

What happened was the complete inverse (ouch).

I felt like I leveled down. I fell out of my relationship with Substack as it was and have since been dabbling around on how to relate to it now. Like an identity crisis almost… weird!

So, How do bestsellers relate to Substack?

It’s ironic, I know, because I kind of put myself consciously in this position. But somehow I was naive enough to think that Substack would be different.

I got a Deja vu experience feeling like when I had grown my Instagram account to 200k by 2019 and it almost created invisible handcuffs... Until I cut them off by more or less stopping to post completely in 2020 (Im experimenting with posting on there again, it’s actually great fun, and I wrote about it here).

I also recently wrote about consistency, and how consistency for the sake of external validation, pressure or expectation will lead you nowhere but to misery. Whereas consistency for the sake of internal satisfaction and fulfillment is where you grow as an artist and business.

As soon as I shifted the Substack project from “my fun thing” to “I need to perform” something changed.

It has felt more tricky to get into flow.

Not that I’m not pleased with much of the writing these past couple of months, more so the process of them was more painful than usual. It was less enjoyable to reach an enjoyable result.

So, I want to bring it back to basics. To the fun, pressure free outlet it started out as.

You may not notice a great lot of changes on the outside, but I feel the shift grow from within. It’s a comeback of my explosive need to express and write.

Throw things out there, see what sticks, converse and challenge.

When things get too structured and organized it’s like I’m dying a slow creative death.

It took years to realize that the fastest way to kill my flow is to add expectations around what to do (or what to write).

That’s why I can’t say that I’ll share X on Mondays or Y on Fridays. I wish I could, but I can’t. The reading would be like eating cardboard: dry and tasteless.

The same goes for the paid column Mother-Artist. I want to write it. Truthfully, I really want it written.

But I’m second guessing whether I want it written in this way. Imagine to instead turning it into a fiction novel to be able to explore various topics a bit deeper from various viewpoints…

With longer intervals between chapters, the narrative gets lost. I should’ve perhaps written it all out in advance and share it weekly, like I’ve seen some others do. It would fit my style, I think, to not have to be constrained by what to write when. But I haven’t finished it yet.

By the way, I’m not saying that this is the definite end to the column. I’m just saying that it may be more sporadic. That I need to continue to alleviate self-made pressure and write what flows to find back my jam.

Interestingly, I’ve also noticed that the motherhood stuff doesn’t flow easily for me in writing. I think it’s because it’s such a sensitive subject. You don’t want to step on someone’s toes, while still writing freely about your own experiences and epiphanies.

Considering that I’m a relatively reserved and private person, I didn’t anticipate how this external influence would limit me in how I write about it. Clearly, my private journals goes deep diving to an extent I don’t think I’m ready to do in the public. And that’s actually ok. More than ok, in fact.

Maybe this is also why I’m considering to write it as fiction novel. To explore topics in this domain outside of myself. Is that strange? We’ll see.

I also think that when I write and make my art, it is the only moment that I get a slight break from reality and I want those moments to be for me. Not in a selfish way, more in a survivalist way. I’m a dreamer, and I want to allow myself to remain one.

I want to write; wander; create; and dream.

Don’t take me wrong, I find it fascinating to read, but maybe I’m not cut out for writing about that type of stuff?

The artist life and business is what flows easily (even this type of rambling about the reflections of it all)

It’s what drives me and excites me, because I see the two as one. The business of art, and the art of business both fuel into each other and become a duo of possibilities to build a life of dreams.

I already live it to a great extent.

I wouldn’t want my life any different and I’m grateful that I had the guts to go for it from the start.

But as a dreamer…. There will always be more dreams. The end destination doesn’t exist, and I actually love that.

The thrill is in the making, the growing, the creating, the evolving.

And depending on how you succeed in the various parts of the art-business duet, you’ll get to reap the rewards of some dreams while you scrap some others, grieve over what could have been but never will be, and then rebuild something new.

Thanks for reading this ramble, I’ve missed writing this way,

Elin xx

Ps. For access to the kindle version of my book When Will You Get A Real Job, do consider upgrading 💕🙏🏼

---

I’d love to know - how do you relate to your substack?

• Is it your business tool?

• Is it a creative outlet?

• Does it feel like a lot of pressure or,

• Does it flow with ease?

Let’s get the conversation going ✍🏼

Process shot of an improv mixed media art piece I’ve worked on this past weekend. Acrylic paint on canvas with added imaginative stitching 🧵