50 shades of writing
The ugly truth from someone who has published online 10,000+ times
No matter how many times (or how many years) you hit publish, the emotional turmoil will persist.
Disclaimer: I’ve posted more than 10,000 pieces of creative art and writing online (including social media posts across platforms, emails, books, articles, website pages, podcast notes and more) through 7 years of creative entrepreneurship.
I dare to say that I’ve got some experience, for what it’s worth.
Naturally, some posts stir things up more than others. Especially those where you have a sense that it can be perceived differently depending on readers’ personal situation/experience/beliefs.
My last post “When to go paid on Substack”, was one such instance.
I felt the 50 shades of writing throughout the whole process from ideation to writing to the ultimate publishing.
captured it perfectly in the comments with the distilled expression “vulnerability hangover”. That’s it, isn’t it?To write is like a drug we can’t keep ourselves from. Yet, we always get hangover in one way or another when we do it and the only cure is to write some more…
I got inspired by
‘s creative writing on the “8 stages of rejection”, which contributed to a new personal experiment of trying to convey some of the emotional turmoil that happened over the past few days.The 50 shades of writing
Inspiration - I have to write this down, NOW!
Creativity - I could write this in so many different ways.
Flow - No one can stop me, I’m in flow.
Frustration - Oh no, I haven’t had the time to finish writing yet… I can’t stop now!
Satisfaction - I’m really pleased with how this turned out.
Joy - I did it!
Doubt - Maybe this really sucks actually.
Confidence - Nah, I’ve got this, it’s pretty darn amazing.
Writer’s block - Got nothing more to say. Nada.
Enthusiasm - Yay, I can totally write like this forever!
Excitement - I’m so excited, can’t wait to see the response on this.
Clarity - I know exactly what to say.
Focus - No one can touch me, I’m writing.
Elation - Beyond words.
Insecurity - Maybe I should’ve said this differently…
Fulfilment - I feel complete.
Motivation - My writing has an impact, it matters.
Pride - I made it happen after all.
Exhaustion - I can’t type another word, my brain is shutting down.
Anticipation - What if… ?!
Perseverance - Got to keep typing.
Anxiety - I want to run away and hide. Hope none ever reads this.
Restlessness - My legs are itching. I can walk and write, that’s ok.
Revision - Erase. Rewrite. Erase. Rewrite.
Exploration - What happens if I write it this way…?
Reflection - I wonder why…
Productivity - I wrote 2000 words today. BOOM.
Disappointment - I thought this would get another response…
Relief - Phew, thank God the draft didn’t get deleted.
Overwhelm - This is too much.
Discovery - This is something new.
Rejection - BLACK OUT.
Experimentation - I’m gonna give this a try.
Passion - Writing is my life.
Empowerment - You can do this.
Vulnerability - I feel exposed.
Disgust - Ugh, did I just write that?
Indifference - I don’t care.
Patience - It will take time.
Commitment - I will publish this no matter what.
Growth - I’m becoming a better writer.
Resilience - It could be worse, I just have to keep at it.
Confusion - How can I make my point clear?
Fear - I’m scared what will happen if I put this out there.
Curiosity - I wonder what will happen if I publish?
Melancholy - I can never use this title again.
Connection - I feel perfectly aligned with my readers.
Awe - Wow, this was amazing!
Shame - I can’t believe I didn’t think of that…
50. Gratitude - I’m grateful to be able to write every day.
Do you recognise yourself, or am I the only one who feels this? Let me know in the comments! ❤️
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Not a single one I don't relate to, Elin! Writing is such an emotional rollercoaster, perhaps because we feel it is connected to who we are at the core and therefore there's a lot at stake (is my writing good enough = am I good enough?). It feels so reassuring to see I'm not the only one to experience this insane ups and downs and there's something quite liberating at learning it's part of the process for everyone, regardless of how new or seasoned they are at creating/submitting/reviewing/publishing their work.
Elin! You are so right. I feel like a broken record saying "I am so NEW to this". But knowing someone has done this 50000x longer / written more than I have also feels this way, well, it helps to feel that connection. Feeling all these new feelings while publishing right to peoples inbox is all those 50 shades.